time passes so quickly...

its time for exams again... but tt's not the point... its almost 4 months since i've been together with yx... n given my weird tempers, its a miracle we haven't even quarelled once... wonder how its so.... i think credit goes to dear yx for being tolerant and all with me :) yup... it feels good to be in a harmonious r'ship where more time is spent on loving one another rather than engaging in negativities... you can make up and put all the past behind, but to say it doesn't take a toll is not true... i feel, every quarrel does make ppl know more about the other person, but there are other ways to do it... and every quarrel adds a minute hairline crack to the r'ship tt is hardly noticeable, but over time, the strain starts to show... especially if these cracks become frequent... recently, i've been hearing of quite a few breakups... becos of too many quarrels, becos having been together for too long... i wonder, is there ever an expiry date for r'ships? psychology theories teach us theories of love, that love starts from passionate love and mostly ends in companionate love or otherwise dies. does it have to be that way? and how would we know if the other person is truely the one for us? does the environment count? does distance, financial status, ambitions, differential growth experiences make a difference? do they drive ppl who were so in love to break up? i'm afraid i think the answer is love can be v fragile although we often hear of love that withstands all storms. i suppose tt's the way it is with all human r'ships, as much as we hate to admit it, any r'ship is a form of exchange, a form of transaction. but given this fact, i still believe that 2 together can be lasting happiness, it just takes a lof of effort and perhaps sacrifices, and simplicity helps.

engulfed by what's supposed to be done that's supposed to be beneficial, but is it really?

more than half my life has been spent pursuing grades. funnily enough, it didn't start of this way, good grades were almost a given. i puzzled over why others were so troubled n had difficulty. but knowingly or unknowingly, i would never know, i joined in the rat race for As. Can't reach it? nevermind. some day i would. some day i must. getting As felt like drugs to the addict. getting it elicited release of endorphines, at least i think it did. every A gotten pushed the expectations higher and higher. never mind the occasional slips. it happens to everyone. the point is to clear the hurdle n once again raise the bars. 4.2, 4.25, 4.3. not satisfied, even angry, so much energy expanded and yet thats it? did i go about it the wrong way? was i expecting too much, mugging too much like ppl say? maybe. perhaps. but is there anything i can do about it? do i want to do anything about it? do i dare?

i dropped by jon ryder's blog, n i was hit. hit by what i have been missing out. Dr ryder has achieved much, musician, photographer, dentist, philantrophist of sorts. the point is not tt he has excelled in whatever he dabbles in. the point is he turns interest into part of his life. i wish i could do that. the problem is, what interests have i to begin with? all my 21 years, i have taken the road well travelled n hardly doubted it, i even look upon those who deviated with a little scorn and i didn't understand why they would want to deviate. money is not everything, but without money, life is really hard. how to we balance the need to survive in this compexly fabricated society tt runs on finite resources which are evidently running out but still pretends its ok, with the simpler things in life? we were born with nothing but ourselves. why are we afraid to lose what we have? (oh but come on, there are still things tt we need! reality!) how shld i carry on from here? is there a destined path tt i shld take? if there is, how would i know the way?